May Book Club-The Danish Way Of Parenting
Happy May! I thought I would start this month out our May book recommendation- This is a book I absolutely love. The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl. Jessica is an American mom who married a Dane; Iben is a Danish Psychotherapist and family counselor. Together they write a book that is easily applicable to daily life. What makes it especially lovely is while we are our home with our children during quarentinte this book provides six easy to implement principles that spell PARENT:
P is for Play
A is for Authenticity
R is for Reframing
E is for Empathy
N is for No Ultimatums
T is for Togetherness
I printed this out and posted it on my fridge as a daily reminder.
In the book, each principle outlines situations we, as parents, encounter often, as well as a bit of brain science behind what makes each principle important. An additional wonderful feature is each chapter ends with tips on how to implement the principle into your life.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Tip 6 from Play- Let them be free and forget the guilt
“They don’t need an adult-led activity or specific toys. The more you can let them be in control of their own play, using their imagination and doing it themselves, the better they will get at it. The skills they are learning are invaluable. We are so caught up in worrying about how many organized activities our children are involved in or what they are learning that we are forgetting the importance of letting them play freely. Stop feeling guilt that letting them paly means you aren’t parenting. Free play is what they are missing.”
This is a big one. There is so much research on the importance of free play and yet as parents we fill up our children’s schedules with classes and activities and when they aren’t in a class or activity we feel the need to entertain them or we feel bad. The reality of it is once they learn how to do imaginary play independently, they love it!
Tip 2 form Empathy- Notice and attempt to identify emotions
“Help your child see others’ emotions as well as experiencing his own without imposing your judgement. “Sally was angry? Why was she angry? What happened? What do you think about what happened?” Not “She shouldn’t have been angry and done that.”
There are many benefits of helping your child process their own emotions as well as benefits to helping them see how situations impacted others emotions. Talking emotions through with your children in a safe and non-judgmental way will help them maintain and build relationships and resilience in all walks of life.
Tip 12 from No Ultimatums- Remember, protest is a response to something
“Remember that protest is a way of communicating. It can also be a sign of growing independence. Appreciate it for what it is, instead of thinking of it as a terrible annoyance. “
Oh how easy it is to watch our child melt to the floor screaming and instantly feel frustrated or annoyed. But, if we change our perspective and question what are they protesting or what is it that they need not only will we be able to handle the situation better we will also be more attuned to meeting our child’s needs.
I would highly recommend reading The Danish Way of Parenting to help provide some guiding principles especially during this difficult time!
