June Book Club-Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Jun 30

It is hard to believe it is almost July! June was an incredibly emotional month on several levels. I think as emotions ran high in my house it made me rethink how I was addressing my own children’s emotions. This month I read Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting by John Gottman. I am a huge supporter of the Gottman Institute and the work they do. While this book certainly isn’t new the ideas and principles are timeless.

Gottman walks you through the five steps of Emotion Coaching:

1. Become aware of the child’s emotion

2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching

3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings

4. Help the child find words to label the emotion they are having

5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand

Emotion Coaching focuses on emotional communication and allows parents to help their children through negative feelings. As adults, we live in a fast-paced world, we are often hurried to get out the door, into the car or to make a meal. Children naturally live in a slower pace world. When we pause and meet them where they are at, take time to listen to their feelings we instantly form a stronger connection.

Dr. Gottman includes many useful features in his book including real life scenarios, a quiz to assess your parenting style, a detailed look a different parenting styles, an emotional self-awareness quiz as well as how to use Emotion Coaching from infancy through adolescence.

When you take the time to use Emotion Coaching, to stop and really understand why your child is feeling the way they are feeling and help them work through it, you will notice your child becoming more resilient and better able to regulate their own emotions. You will also notice a stronger relationship with your child and a better sense of trust. Additionally, I found when I used Emotion Coaching, I felt better about my parenting and more responsive to my children’s needs.

Dr. Gottman also highly recommends reading books with your children. This is a great way to connect with your child and have important conversations.

Here are a few of my favorite books about feelings and difficult emotions:

Ages 0-3

The Feelings Book by: Todd Parr

Calm Down Time by: Elizabeth Verdick

Owl Babies by: Martin Waddell

Ages 3-5

The Feeling Flower by: Leah Mahealani Dakroub

In My Heart by: Jo Witek

How Do You Feel by: Lizzy Rockwell

Tiger Days by: M.H. Clark

When Sophie Gets Angry- Really Really Angry by: Molly Bang