Loving Your Child Where They Are
Yesterday evening, while walking at the park with my husband and children, my daughter noticed a group of five new baby ducklings floating on lily pads. She was excited to see their little fluffy bodies scurry from lily pad to lily pad. What surprised me most about seeing the baby ducklings is it has been two months since most of the other ducklings hatched. As a family, we walk at the park often and have for years. Every year at the end of April and beginning of May we are delighted to see the baby ducks emerge and swim on the pond. This is the first year I have seen new baby ducks in July!
I took it as an important reminder: Every child is on their own path and their own timeline. Too often, we get caught up in what someone else’s child can, or what we think our own child should be able to do. There is tremendous societal pressure to encourage our children to learn academic skills at an incredibly early age. Did you know in Finland children don’t start school until age 7? Yet, their test scores for reading, math and science out score children in the US?
Too often, the pressure we feel as parents for our children to succeed, to be the best and to learn the fastest gets in the way of allowing and appreciating them as who they are.
Over the next few weeks, I would encourage you to try the following things:
Observe carefully- Spend a good chunk of time, without your phone close by, watching your child. Children are amazing, they are problem-solvers, engineers, builders and explorers. Take the time to notice not only what they are interested in but how they go about it. You will be surprised what you can learn from your child!
Celebrate their strengths- Every child is different, and every child has wonderful strengths. Create opportunities for to build on their strengths. Are they a budding artist? Find a space for them to express their art. Are they incredibly physically adept? Look for opportunities for them to channel their energy- Maybe try a soccer class.
Encourage their challenges- Along with strengths come challenges. Every single child has challenges. As a parent, it is your job to help guide them and encourage them. Talk about what is hard for you. How do you get through something that is challenging? Ask them how they can take on a challenge? What strategies do they have that they could try? No strategies yet? Teach them some of your favorites! You are their guide.
Give them time- Children are thoughtful, methodical, and resilient. Give them time and space to make their discoveries. Your child is developing at their own pace. Allow them to do this. Don’t rush them.
Share with your children what you appreciate and notice about them. Let them know you value who they are right now and all that they can do. Celebrating who they are in the moment will help relive pressure and create a stronger bond.
Love them for who they are and where they are! Just like the mama duck!